Constructing my own life philosophy

My own life philosophy...
or the construction of one - of some sort.
This was a decision that took some time for me to build on.
I realized I'm 30 years old and I don't have it all together.
I remember when I was about 18, sitting with my girlfriends talking about our futures.
We each said where we "thought" we'd be at age 30...
I remember I had it all in my head that I would;
a. be married to the man I would grow old and wrinkly with, b. have two or three kids,
c. have a career that I loved, and d. be blissfully happy
Now, that's just funny... sad, but funny.
How naive and wishful we are at 18...
Honestly, there should be a class in high school that's titled,
"Don't get your hopes up in adulthood"
I would have Aced that course.
Hands down.
So, with that said... I've been reading some very insightful books
that has opened my eyes and mind to what I need to do...
What I need to do to find that "blissfulness" that I have been missing for so long.

My plan, create my own...

The book Eat, Pray, Love is a great road map, if you will
Not like the book, but to take time in parts to find what is missing within me
I'm hoping to (eat), but mostly cook... mainly because its something I love to do.
I want to learn more about it and become a better cook. So, this will be more of a hobby.

Second, (pray). I have never been one for religion.
I cried in church when I was little.
I hid from missionaries when I was 8 (literally).
I had two groups of friends. The Mormons, and the Non-Mormons.
I fit well within both groups. I just didn't have a clue.
I was then baptized at 18.
That quickly ended over a battle between two churches and
the "keeper" of my "records".
Since that time, religion and more so, organized religion has been off my radar.
I want to learn about the different religions that people hold so dear.
I want to find the something that has been missing inside of me.
I want to feel whole.
So, I'm hoping through research and "praying"
I will find that something.

And finally, there is (Love).
We all search for love. Within ourselves. Within others.
Some are lucky and find it early. They find that someone they will grow old with.
This is my dream. Always has been. I'm a dreamer.
Then there are others that walk the earth searching, and never finding that one person.
I've always worried that would be me.
And, looking at my history, I'm scared that could be me...
I don't want that.
So, something needs to happen first.
I want to learn to love ME.
That's something I have discounted many times.
And with the whirlwind of my medical loveliness in the past few years, I've lost myself.
I was never one to NOT play a sport, run, go to the gym.
It just isn't me.
And I miss that person.
Deeply.
So, I need to find me again...
I'm hoping this will help.

I may not find "God", I may not become an amazing cook,
nor will I get back to my old healthy self.
But, at least I'm giving it a go.

I know this is me writing to the void of universal nothing,
but I hope that by documenting my progress,
I will become more of the person I've searched for... for a really long time.
A construction of my own life philosophy