I mean, if we know we are losing the battle, yet we continue to fight in it/for it already knowing the apparent outcome, why in the world do we do it?
Pride. Respect. Guilt. Fear. Love. Or, maybe the obvious answer... hope.
I couldn't sleep last night. Figures. I never sleep well. I'm a thinker, a dreamer, and a worrier. My mind is like an old movie reel that plays until you break it, cut the tape, or throw it out the window. I can't help it. It does it on it's own... I promise it's not entirely me. It really has a mind of it's own ya know! However, I was fortunate enough to have TROY come on my lovely little bunny ears TV station, ion. So, I let the mind rest while I engulfed myself into Bradley Pitt and Eric Bana's delicious attempt at portraying Achilles and Hector. Seriously, if those warriors were really this hot, get me Greek'd out! Good-ness!
Back to my thoughts...whew!
So, I'm a thinker. It's a real curse at times. The things I think about are as follows (and mind you, this usually consists of my 45 minute - 2 hour try to fall asleep lull); daily events that occurred, will occur tomorrow, next week, and in 5 years; if I were to write a book who would be my characters, the plot, the climax, the meaning if there is one, what the point will be, and will anyone really want to read it?!; I could really go for a coke right now...go to sleep; ways to get myself healthy through organic groceries aka rubbed in dirt and poop, get back in shape, and all with no actual funds being lost; if I stopped taking my meds, would I win... mind over matter. Could save a lot of mula here; if I would have said this, done that, not said this or done that, maybe it would have been better today; that piece of sheet rock where it's bowed looks horrible....go to sleep; I should look into school again, I need something to learn and read about; how can I make extra money. I need money. I hate money. money rules my life. I need to figure something out and soon; what's on ion or lifetime right now...seriously, you need to go to sleep...
There is a lot more, but that's personal. Not for blogging gogging. See, this is a problem right!? If Nyquil would actually put me to sleep, I'd take it. But nooooo, it turns me into a 1950 speed addict who thinks I should get up clean the house, bake some bread and cakes, put curlers in my hair, pearls on my neck and wait for the husband to wake to make a hearty, healthy breakfast!!! Damn the drugs!
If you have any suggestions for sleep, less thinking, ways to get money that isn't illegal or selling of anything on my body, please I welcome all thoughts!
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